I didnt choose to lose you
by SC10
Summary: Just something that came to my mind... read to find out. And as always reviews are welcomed!


This is a short ff.. I "lost" my best friend in the past weeks… he started dating a girl, and of course she doesn't like our relationship.. we are just friends, we were never more, but now we can't do all the things we did before the girl… no more sleeping at his place, no more Friday dinners, no more movies, no more talking hours and hours at nights… and its hard.. even if you don't have any romantic feelings for the other...so this came to my mind.

(The song is Listen to your heart, in my mind is playing the Dht slow version, but there are many others..)

I don't own JAG or it's characters…. Well, just in my dreams.

* * *

Mac's engagement party 

(Forget all that happened in the porch.. I know I know.. its impossible, but just till you finish reading this lol)

After the Admiral and Mac danced, everybody talked and laughed a danced. Everybody seemed to me happy. Mic danced with all the women in the house, and Mac just finished dancing with Tiner. Everybody was having fun.

"Hey luv, having fun?" – Mic asked Mac.

"Yes." – She smiled at him. The Admiral and Harm joined them in the corner, where the food was.

"I heard you are going to be the one giving Mac away sir."

"Yes. It'll be an honour." – Harm looked at Mac.. she asked the admiral to give her away, why not him?? He was her best friend after all, or at least that's what he thought.

Then Singer approached the group.

"Mic, I think you and I haven't dance yet. And neither have Harm and Mac."

"Then I guess I have to dance with you." – Mic smiled at her. – "You two should dance too."

"Oh, no, its ok. I'm going to go outside, I'm not feeling very good." – The last thing Harm needed was having Mac so close. He had to avoid that, but when she looked at her… she looked disappointed, sad for his fast answer.

"But I guess it can wait. Dance major?"

A beautiful song started to sound and they started to move slowly. Neither of them wanted to talk, or didn't know what to talk about. The moment was too awkward.

_  
I know there's something in the wake of your smile.  
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah.  
You've built a love but that love falls apart.  
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark._

Harm decided to be the first to talk…

"So, are you ready for the big day??"

"Yes, I guess.. I don't know."

"Don't worry, it'll be… perfect." – He smiled sadly at her.

Another silence… She was so concentrated in that moment that didn't want to say anything to ruin it.

_  
Listen to your heart  
when he's calling for you.  
Listen to your heart  
there's nothing else you can do._

"I want us to stay close." – She looked directly into his eyes.

"You husband might have something to say about that."

"This has nothing to do with Mic, it's about you and me."

"Its not that simple Mac. You are getting married."

"Does that mean that we can't be friends????" – Now she was upset..

_  
I don't know where you're going  
and I don't know why,  
but listen to your heart  
before you tell him goodbye._

"No! Of course we can be friends. Just not like this…"

"So, you won't be my friend 'cause I'll be married… Great!"

"Its's not that. And I will always be your friend. No matter what. I will always be here."

_  
Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.  
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yeah.  
They're swept away and nothing is what is seems,  
the feeling of belonging to your dreams._

She was waiting for an explanation. She was getting married, and didn't understand why they couldn't keep being friends, like now. He was his best friend and didn't want to lose him.

"Look, you think I can still go to your place Sunday mornings to ask you if you want to join me in my morning run???"

She looked at him in silence. They both knew the answer, no need to say it.

"Do you think I can call you in the middle of the night just to say I'm home, back from my investigation??"

She hugged him a little more. And he closed the small distance between them.

"So… no more cooking for me and working dinners?"

"You always complain about my dinners! And I've heard Mic is a good cook." - He smiled at her, trying to make her feel better, pretending it wasn't that bad.

"No more movies at my place?... " – She finally understood it.

"I guess… going at weekends to fly Sarah is on that list too, right??"

_  
Listen to your heart  
when he's calling for you.  
Listen to your heart  
there's nothing else you can do._

They both looked at Mic, dancing happily with Singer. And then they looked at each other. It was going to be a big change.

"So, I'm getting a husband and loosing my best friend."

"You will never lose me. I'll be there. Just… in the dark."

"I haven't thought about this in that way…"

He tightened his hold of her and whispered…

"I have."

_  
I don't know where you're going  
and I don't know why,  
but listen to your heart  
before you tell him goodbye._

"Then are you telling me that our friendship is suddenly reduced to a small talk in the office???"

"I don't know Mac. I didn't want this to happen, but you made your choice."

"What??? I didn't choose to lose my best friend! I chose to marry Mic!"

She was angry, but not to Harm, not to Mic… not even to herself! She was just angry. And Harm looked really sad, she had noticed he wasn't the same lately, but tonight his gaze was more intense than ever. And when he looked at her it went directly to her heart.

So she just hugged him. Put her arms completely around his neck and closed her eyes as Harm hugged her even more. She didn't care of the world around. She was happy, dancing slowly with him.

_And there are voices  
that want to be heard.  
So much to mention  
but you can't find the words.  
The scent of magic,  
the beauty that's been  
when love was wilder than the wind.  
_

"This can't end like this."

"It won't end Mac. Just change."

"I didn't knew marring Mic was going to make us drift away." – She was apologising.

"It's ok. We'll get used to this. And…we can always hide it from him."

"Harm!!" – They both laughed. It felt so good joking with him.

"Who is going to run with me now?"

"You'll have a husband for that. And for many other things. You'll have someone to take care of you. Someone to lean on. Someone to love unconditionally, someone that loves you… Someone who would give up everything for you."

She stopped dancing for a second. It hadn't occurred to her before. That was true, she was going to have Mic, but what about him??? Who was going to take care of him now? Who was going to make sure he didn't get into any trouble?? She felt like she was leaving him alone against the world.

_  
Listen to your heart  
when he's calling for you.  
Listen to your heart  
there's nothing else you can do._

And like always, he knew what she was thinking about…

"I'll be ok."

"I'll be here for you Harm. Always. And you can still call me in the middle of the night."

"Thanks."

They both knew that wasn't exactly true… he knew he couldn't do it, Mic would get mad at him and at her, and he didn't want to be a problem in their marriage, but the fact that she was going to let him do that, knowing that Mic wasn't going to react very good about it, made him feel good.

_  
I don't know where you're going  
and I don't know why,  
but listen to your heart  
before you tell him goodbye._

The song ended and there they stood. Close to each other not wanting to let go 'cause they both knew it was probably the last time they were going to be so close.

"I love you Mac." – He whispered in her ear.

"I love you too."

* * *


End file.
